Monthly Archives: July 2011

Have you ever landed on a crash pad???

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Have you ever landed on a crash pad??  Ok, so here I am!!! Yup, you can not make this stuff up, I am living in the ” Crash Pad” for the next 2 weeks!!!! It has been a VERY long day, yet I lay here in my new living room reflecting on how much I have already filled in my” vase”. I am looking at a beautiful tropical arrangement right now, made by one of my new roomies who is also going through the academy. When I woke up this morning, I would never in a million years think my day would be what it has been. I waited and waited and waited to board the plane and I found ample time to people watch. I saw so many interesting things and meet so many …… “interesting” people. It only took me 4 hours in Logan and a plane ride to Florida to realize that I LOVE who I am!!!!!!

I guess when they say you have to love yourself before you can love someone else, they are right! I watched so many people, and always thought I wanted to be a little bit more refined, that said I watched this high maintenance  couple and all I could think is how boring!!! Yes, they were both very nice looking but where the heck is the fun in that?!? She was sooooo up tight and talked about herself in the 3rd person in some sentences………poke my eyes out!!!! That poor man had to cater to all her needs and basically be a “keeper”! Uggghhhh, I don’t need a keeper, I need a team-mate!!!

I feel so comfortable in my own skin right now! Perhaps it could have been the palm reading last night, the people watching or the fact that I dreamed something and actually  did it. I am not  so sure where this adventure will take me, but it has been PRICELESS already. The cab ride for 45 mins to go 3 miles, driven by a man I swear was in the movie The Gods Must Be Crazy.  The blind cat, I thought was rabid until I was told he is blind, and the mascot of the office.  So…. the one roomie I meet so far has filled me in on the “important” information, the code to the door, the address, the cockroach rule, and the fact that the bars are open till 5am, and  insist I come out tonight. Well I guess I better rest up, could be a long night of beaches, bars and beers…………………………………………………………………

Have you ever meet a centerpiece that was not self-centered??

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Have you ever meet a centerpiece that was not self-centered? How many times have you walked into a room, and noticed a lovely centerpiece sitting in the middle of a table, it’s the shinning star of the table. There are all kinds of centerpieces, tall ones, short ones, big one small ones, pretty ones and of course ugly ones. They sometimes have a light aroma that dances in your nose, or some have a harsh small, that makes your tongue curl in the back of your mouth. However, the centerpiece is most important on the table  and everyone else “sits”  around the table.

In the past few days, I have sat and studied my centerpiece, I am not the shinning star of my table!!! I am a marigold that was plucked from a plant and standing alone in a shot glass, so unappealing. I decided that I need to set out and buy flowers to make a new centerpiece………these flowers can not be bought I found out, these flowers are earned. Hey I was a girl scout, I can earn anything after that training. I found out the more I opened my mind, and enjoyed life and I mean REALLY enjoyed  life’s  moments my centerpiece would pop up with another flower. This is fantastic…… easy right??!!! Not so much!!!

When deciding on an arrangement, you should really stop take and look around at all the other centerpieces on the tables around you.  Do you see qualities you would like to have in your arrangement? Vase with water or a block of oasis? Lots of “filler” or more “flowers” then filler? Have you ever seen a centerpiece that is so big, loud, obnoxious, over-powering, stinky and, just clearly took the job of being a centerpiece way to seriously, and now you can not even see other people at the table because it has become so aggressive? Those are the worst!!!!

Yup, I DO NOT want to ever be an over-powering centerpiece where my vines extend out of my vase and crowd my guests. I would like to be a clear vase with tiny pearls  in the bottom so the light can reflect and move freely and guests can see straight through. I have NOTHING  to hide so why not!!! Perhaps a few tulips, did you know that they are the only flower that continues to grow after its been cut? Yup I defiantly want a few tulips in my arrangement, having a flower that continues to grow means that I have to always care for my centerpiece, even more than most!!!

So I sit waiting for my flight(since it was delayed an hour), I think I have earned a few “impatients”  for my arrangement this morning, and a few pearls for the bottom. Can not forget those pearls, I like to think of them as wisdom!!!!!! Some pearls I learned today I will share, and some I will savor alone. 1. When standing in a security check point line in the airport, take note of the others around you. You may want to really take not what the person is doing in front of you at that  time. I however,  did not do this, and I bent down to untie my shoes and as I stood up he bent down……….yup, I will leave that for you to imagine and/or savor.  2. You may want to make sure you use your ” indoor” voice when things of this nature unfold, security has a slight problem with screaming! 3. Always have a bloody mary(or 2)  when you notice many screaming children waiting to get on your flight…………………..

Have you every been educated by a shower curtain???

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Have you ever been educated by a shower curtain? I can definitely say yes to this one!! It’s hard for me to focus sometimes, and I tend to learn in “unorthodox” ways (shocker!!). Well a few years ago I was working in a position where I was booking all this crazy travel for my boss, and I have to be honest, some of the places I made arrangements to I have NO CLUE where they were in the world. So feeling a bit “uneducated” I set out to find a way to learn the world, ….yup I ended up buying a clear shower curtain with the world in all bright colors on it!! This was the BEST $15 buck I ever spent!!! I learned so much. I know that Italy looks like a boot that could kick my belly button like a soccer ball, and that Brazil….. well lets just say I know what a Brazilian wax is and never forget it! I was making travel arrangements to go to Iceland in 2012 last week, and pulled the fact that Iceland is near my ear from my memory, fantastic skill!!! Funny, I could never get you to plan a weekend with me yet I am now planning a year out, I should have read the writing on the wall. Ahh, writing on the wall, this is something we must always stop and read, DO NOT hang a pretty little picture over it like I did. That is a whole different life lesson we can talk about later.

So I think I am all packed, I am Massachusetts today (near my armpit) and will be in Florida (love handle) tomorrow. That is a small move on this huge curtain, but a move in any sence. People always say “home is where the heart is”, well I know my friends and family are here, but where the  is my heart??  I think I packed it like everything else. Have you ever bought a fish from a pet store? Well my heart is now in a over-inflated bag sloshing around in 6 inches of water. How cute, it looks like a Picasso!! I love Picasso’s, they have great teeth and are very interesting to watch, however they are very aggressive. Hummm sounds about right!! If you have ever dabbled in the salt water aquarium hobby, you would know how delicate moving, and caring for these fish are. This is a rather new-found passion for me, I am intrigued by salt water fish tanks, and very excited to get scuba diving.

We had a tank filled with its own little word, Oscar, Phil, Ernie, Sarrah, Angel, Frank and Gobbie. I loved that tank, at night I wouldn’t even turn the T.V. on, I would just sit with my feet up, and watch this underwater world. Phil would boss everyone around, Oscar was always a grouch, Ernie would be very busy eating and swimming upside down, and Sarrah would be doing swan dives into the gravel.  Gobbie was my favorite, he was always dwelling under a rock watching the world swim by. If you ever saw him out from under his rock he was STUNNING, but he never ventured far from the safety of his rock.  He had colors that were amazing, his eyes were huge and he was just a cute as a button.

Do yourself a favor, if someone ever hands you an overinflated bag with their heart in it, handle it with care!!!! There will only be a limited supply of oxygen in this bag until you acclimate this  “fish” to your tank. Do not squeeze or shake the bag, this is a very stressful change for the “fish”, his whole world is changing, and will eventually be swimming in your tank. One of the most important things to remember is NEVER undo that little knot and drop a Picasso in with a Gobbie!!!! I did this once, and will NEVER do it again. I guess this is  a life lesson that only takes one time to learn as well. I ended up holding a bag filled with fins, gills, colors and basically a blood bath. I had to flush the entire bag from my own stupid mistake, I watched this little world swirl and spin as it just disappeared down the drain.  Its gone and gone forever, I hope someday that poor little Gobbie musters up the strength to accept my most sincere apologies, I really didn’t mean to turn his world into a blood bath.

Strarting tomorrow, I have 360 days to float my baggie on the sea and get acclimated to my new life. I wonder if I will ever find a tank again…………………………………………………………

Have you ever squeezed the toothpaste too much????

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Have you ever squeezed the toothpaste too much? As I make my list of things I need, I realized toothpaste was not on my list, how could I forget the toothpaste???? Retainers….check(real sexy huh)……teeth bleaching trays…..check……toothpaste……… strange. Being obsessed with teeth and oral hygiene how could I forget it!! While I was trying to empty my “baggage” there was this sticky stuff smeared on EVERYTHING!!! I just figured it out, it was toothpaste!!! Have you ever squeezed so much out, weather or purpose or on accident, you can NEVER get it back in the tube!!!! These are words we speak, once you squeeze them out you can not take them back. Same concept, whether you squeezed on purpose, or did it on complete accident, you can not take them back, there out there in the world. (And if you find a way let me know)

If there was an Olympic sport for toothpaste squeezing I will tell you the U.S.A. would ALWAYS have the gold medal if I was on the team. I am like a child when it come to toothpaste squeezing. I find that I strategically place it where it should not be in the first place, usually on an import “pivot point”, just for more leverage, and take a run start and jump as hard as I can on it!!!  Bammmmm, I have squirted that stuff miles and……since its in a bad area, I always just blew the sides out of the tube and had side splatter. Yay!!!!!! How fantastic!!!! What a dumb ass. I would spend days after a “good squeezing”, what the hell was I thinking, what a freaking mess!!! Why did I always have to be so competitive, why did I always have to run my mouth. In the movie Beetlejuice didnt the woman get a zipper on her mouth, where can I get one?? I feel like when that voice inside my head said “shhhhhh” my brain turned it into “shhhhhhhhhhhout!!” God lord, I really hope I can clean my “baggage” of all that toothpaste, that is defiantly something I will not bring along. I guess that was a life lesson, one that only takes one test run to figure out.

I am putting my “childish toothpaste squeezing gold medal” on the shelf and leaving it there!!!! Perhaps I should look into “pump” toothpaste, it may curve my enthusiasm to get a running start and make a mess.  Yeah, that sounds safe, I will buy “pump” toothpaste when I land, I don’t want to ever squeeze the toothpaste again……………………………………….

Have you ever walked a mile in someone elses shoes, and got a blister?????

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Have you ever walked a mile in someone elses shoes? I am not only the baggage queen, I am also the shoe queen. I can equate just about any scenario in life to shoe shopping.  As I was packing last night I remembered that I needed to ask my roomie if I could borrow her pumps. These pumps were made to go with this dress I have, perfect, they are peep-toe, shiny, and have little straps around the ankles. I started to think about the last time I wore them, they looked super hot however, after taking a stroll in them my feet hurt like hell!!! As a matter of fact I think I got a blister on my right foot!! Its funny in life how your feet can tell a lot about you. One winter I went off snow shoeing with Erma, great time, so quiet peaceful and me adding miles to another pair of shoes. Well note to self, however far you go into the woods, you have to come out!! (Another great life lesson!!) I was not wearing my good boots and ended up with frost bite. Ahhhhh, not pretty, and to top it off I broke one of my frost-bitten toes the next day.  Well that experience has forever changed how my shoes fit my right foot. I need a shoe that is “giving” in all the right areas and does not put “pressure” on me.

Those Carlos Santana pumps were so stunning up on that rack, colors, style, hight…..wait what?…. no size 8!!!! I’ll take a 7 1/2 please. Right there, that very moment, it was a bad choice!! Why do we choose things that we know we are not going to be comfortable in?  Why do people try to shove a big foot into a tiny shoe, why do people try to fit one personality with another? In relationships you know what type of shoe you’re looking for” if ” you are serious about starting a future. You are not going to be in the platform section trying on spike heels, these will not last the long walk of life. However some women are comfortable in that style for life, they do not have dreams of climbing mountains and adventures, they dream of being a trophy. I want a pair that feels like I am walking on clouds, I want to be able to dance the funky chicken on my 80th birthday in them. I want my “life long shoe”  to come on every adventure with me to every nook and cranny of the earth, its will have to stretch and grow with my foot a little as the years go on.  When you love a shoe that much, you would bring it to the cobbler to be sewn, mended or even re-soul-ed.

I know my life shoe is NOT a flip-flop, every time I wear them I end up with mud up my back, and they are just rather “cheap”. Note to self, watch out for those rubber ones! I know I like peep-toes, but sometimes I like full coverage, and do not like sharing. Soooooo many styles to pick from, make sure you study them all, and feel free to  give them a good run around the shoe department before taking them “out into the world”.  I once had this AWESOME pair, it was the shoe of all shoes, it fit every occasion, season, sport and climb. I was looking for them to bring with me, you know “a life shoe” never misses a trip. It’s a funny thing, I looked everywhere for those shoes but they are gone, perhaps someone borrowed them, stole them, or maybe I was careless and left them on the beach?! I may never find them, but what I do know is, I hope the person who has them takes them to the cobbler and takes special care of them, they were a once in a life time fit for me. So I guess I will just pack 3 pairs, wait maybe 4……………………………………………….

Have you ever wrestled an Egyptian Cobra in bed?

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Have you ever wrestled an Egyptian Cobra in bed? Don’t!!! I have found this is a sport you will never win at. How could the once favorite room in the house become my now worse fear? After we broke up I longed for the “pillow talk”, the warm fuzzy chatter with our feet/hands/ and bodies intertwined. The feeling of finishing the day looking at his beautiful face and the feeling of safety and love. Well….here I am 32 years old, and a pretty “average” looking women, fearing the bedroom!! I set out to replicate our “love nest” and boy oh boy I found “the deal breaker” of being in a relationship with me. Of course I needed the huge over sized king size pillows, and Egyptian cotton sheets to complete this nest. Well let me tell you, it looks so inviting, curled up doing a word find, swimming in a sea of luxurious cotton so soft and cool, wearing one of those nice little night gowns……..

Holly shit!!!!! I swear once those lights go off it turns into one wild jungle!!!! The package said Egyptian Cotton I swear and not Egyptian Cobra, however that top sheet starts to slither and twist and before you know it I am wrestling a cobra, in the fight of my life. I have had near death experiences trying to get this sheet off from around my neck. There has been a point I have thrown that sucker clear across the room! How can this be?? All the nights we slept so soundly…….well maybe not I would hear “Kate, you are like a crape, give me some sheet!!!!” I guess when I sleep alone the safety is really gone! Perhaps its the soft hum of my white noise machine that brings out this dark jungle.  This is kind of joke in the house where I currently live.  I have tried over and over again to have proper etiquette in my bed, but I have failed miserably. I am leaving in 3 days and will be sharing sleeping quarters. Every morning I wake up buck naked looking over a sea of dead pillows spread on the floor like buffalo carcasses, a flung night-gown and one sleeping Erma mixed in. The added bonus is when I fall asleep with wet hair, I wake up looking like the lady in Dances With Wolves, HUGE HAIR!!  I am sure that my new “roomie” is not going to be ok with me becoming a savage hunter in the dark and tearing apart the room, in the buff. This is going to be sooooo embarrassing.

I was given a birthday gift last night from my current roomie, it was pajamas. I have three nights left to perfect the proper sleeping pattern. I hear men like women who are “all business but a freak in the bed”, I think I have taken that to a whole new level.  Yes, this is defiantly something I carry in my baggage, but would be happy to leave behind, “Huntress of the night”. I have to be honest, I am 500% ok with never sharing my “nest” with anyone else again. Maybe I need more time to heal, or maybe I just do not long for anyone else. Who knows, this  is another question that rolls around in my head. I was kidding with my mom the other day while shopping, and told her I was taking 365 days to find a husband, I have my doubts.  Will I ever find someone who is ok with me only wearing knee socks and a scarf to take down our Christmas tree and then chaperone it out onto the deck?? I guess I really can be a handful and hard to live with. Snow blowing with my “Whale Tail” sticking out for the 90-year-old neighbor to see, was that a deal breaker? Or was it me laying bark mulch in the front yard with a “Whale Tail” and a hole in my butt? I may never find the true answers to these questions I ask, however what I do know is I am now the proud owner of only low-rise undies ,58 pairs and counting………………………………………

Have you ever stepped in dog shit while gardening???

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Have you ever been out to weed your garden and step in a big pile of dog shit, and before you know it its all over the house! Even in those room you swore you did not go into!!! Yeah well that’s what my weeding frenzy brought to my attention. I did not realize how much, and how many places this would affect my life, ITS EVERY WHERE!!!! Rather funny looking at it now so good thing I have a sick sence of humor (In case you didn’t know that already).  I thought the things/people/feelings/emotions I needed to weed out were in an isolated area of my life, however upon pulling I realized some were those nasty weeds that grew like vines choking and suffocating the flowers……..they have to go!  I realized in the recent past I had been taking bad advice!!! Bad as in, I would have been better off taking dental tips from someone with no teeth (if they had teeth I would knock them out anyway at this point) , real estate advice from a homeless man (Whom I would gladly give a one way ticket to no- where). Note to self, take all opinions and views from others with a bag of salt, forget this grain stuff( or perhaps just blow the top off the sea salt shaker while filling!). Always listen to the little voice in your head, trust me, 9 out of 10 times its going to be right!!! I am a dreamer and a hopeless romantic and sometimes I would get lost in the clouds and get a cloudy view of what I wanted…… I should have stood my ground, however the bad advice blew in like a hurricane and kind of distorted my own, yup you read that right, my very own dreams. Wear ear muffs if you have too!

Who knew that tasks like, taking things out of a closet would open flood gates to your eyes, or finding yourself, alone slow dancing in the shower. Does everyone do this stuff or is this just me?  I guess I am not as “normal” as I once thought.  Is there an expiration date on memories? How come I can’t even look at a fish tank with out day dreaming, I hope that does not happen while I am scuba diving, that may end the 365 days real quick, but could be my luck.      So floating in an over abundance of underwear and shoes, the two items I binge on while being sad, I am trying to pick the items I DO need to get through the next two weeks of school. What will I really need? Will I need a shoe in every color, will I wear 25 sundress, should I bring my flat-iron, is it that humid down there? I guess the important things that need to be packed are finding it hard to get to my mind, with all the luggage I am trying to leave behind!!!

School…..I enrolled in a Maritime Academy in Fort Lauderdale Florida, for two weeks of intense training to land myself a position with a crew on a trans-atlantic  mega yacht for the year.  That will change this life of mine, no matter what happens. Being an “instant gratification gal”,this will be easy!!!  I decided on this as my “second”” choice since I missed my first “flight” to a new start. I had no clue the steps necessary to get to this point that I am at now, and how it  would have such an impact on my life and forever change me. I never thought I would be having lunch with my rents and talking about “final arrangement” and other topics like stocks/bonds/money markets/life insurance/beneficiaries/ international health insurance and off shore banking. I suggest a light lunch, I say this only because it’s a pretty heavy topic that is deceiving, seems pretty easy when you think about it, not the case when you actually talk about and do make those decisions. Moms fears of me getting attacked by pirates brought me to the realization that yes, I will be working far away with ships, helis, and tenders, a bit more dangerous than my desk. So I had to really address these topics. Of course I told them with all my grace, of course, “So help me god if you put me in the ground I will haunt you every god damn day!!! I want my ashes to be spread and not kept in a jar either!!!”.  My father with his innocent voice said “I will keep you on the mantel”. Ughhhhhh, a serious dark topic blown wide open, but had to be dealt with. I leave in 4 days and still treading water on getting all serious matters tucked away properly, a rather empty feeling as well………………