Note to self, if you ever find yourself the proud owner of tickets to a game where a rookie is in the major league, DONT GO!!! There I was up at bat, WAY out of my league and let me tell you if my bat was a scythe..I would have cleared a parcel of land the size of North America with the furry I swung that thing! Try giving a perfectionist with OCD, ADHD, ADD a bat and watch what happens. Its is honestly like 500 children on crack swinging at a pinatia that’s not even there!!! I can laugh now but boy that was pretty painful. That short yet very important game taught me soooooo much about myself. I have to say I am blessed for the people I meet during this time because I have fished the qualities out of some of their personalities, ones I want and some I would never even want to have a hint of, EVER! I also thought I was baggage free at this time, not so much. I found myself after the game floating in a lonely sea surrounded in luggage that wouldn’t sink. Kind of like the movie Joe Vs the Volcano, that damn luggage that could survive anything! Yeah there I was, proclaiming there has to be a mix up this was not my baggage but wait, it’s just me and a few trunks, yup its mine!
So, there I was, I struck out at the biggest game of my life so far with a burnt hole in my canvas that I can not fill and bags beyond bags that ended up being mine and not his. How could this happen? How could I have been so blind going into such an important part of my life. The protectionist whom plans for everything was hit with curve balls and umps changing the rules?! Was it the players in the game or was it I the big goose egg? This is when I decided to go through my baggage and clean house. Ok hyper person that I am thought I could go at this task by taking a leaf blower to dust the fine china, also a note to self, don’t do it!! When trying to de-baggage yourself if it is at all possible it takes time. It’s like a hope chest that you have been carrying around since you were born. It takes time to weed through the things that we silly and just shoved in there on a whim and lots of emotion for those items that are there and mean a lot. I have a funny story about cleaning out your hope chest of life. This man and I were off to a nice out among friends, it was around the start of us and my parents invited us over. Upon arriving to the house all the lights were on and no one to be found. After yelling and looking for a bit we hear my mother’s voice say “up here!”. Oh god, what now I thought. There she was, cleaning out her literal hope chest.
With a smile as big as the walmart face my mother was so proudly show casing the things from Kate’s pasts, pictures, drawings and dance recital costumes. Wait dance costumes……. yup there it was my mother holding up a crotchless nighty with thigh highs proclaiming this item was my first dance costume!!! This type of shall we call it “errors” happen to me on a day-to-day basis and this is why I think this journey will be very interesting. horrified about think of my mother cleaning out her real hope chest, I set out to clean out my baggage. This is not such an easy task, I found I was the queen of lost luggage. I tried to take my time look through memories and find what was important and a life lesson to keep and what were emotions of the past that were just cluttering up my future. I did this with everything in my life. I was on a weeding frenzy! I cleaned and cleared, I sold material items and I went through the painful process of pulling out old love letter and memories and trying to recycle them. The picture I carried in my wallet of us had to go, which I might add was like pulling the biggest weed ever! It took a lot but everything material had to go. The rose from our Valentines day retreat, that was probably the most romantic experience, still sat withered and dried on my dash-board. I had to do it, I have to clean house it had to go! Awful task this is, the material items and photos were reminding me of this game I had botched. I figure out of sight out of mind……I had enough emotional memories I did not need everyday material reminders. We will see about that choice……..