Have you ever wrestled an Egyptian Cobra in bed?

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Have you ever wrestled an Egyptian Cobra in bed? Don’t!!! I have found this is a sport you will never win at. How could the once favorite room in the house become my now worse fear? After we broke up I longed for the “pillow talk”, the warm fuzzy chatter with our feet/hands/ and bodies intertwined. The feeling of finishing the day looking at his beautiful face and the feeling of safety and love. Well….here I am 32 years old, and a pretty “average” looking women, fearing the bedroom!! I set out to replicate our “love nest” and boy oh boy I found “the deal breaker” of being in a relationship with me. Of course I needed the huge over sized king size pillows, and Egyptian cotton sheets to complete this nest. Well let me tell you, it looks so inviting, curled up doing a word find, swimming in a sea of luxurious cotton so soft and cool, wearing one of those nice little night gowns……..

Holly shit!!!!! I swear once those lights go off it turns into one wild jungle!!!! The package said Egyptian Cotton I swear and not Egyptian Cobra, however that top sheet starts to slither and twist and before you know it I am wrestling a cobra, in the fight of my life. I have had near death experiences trying to get this sheet off from around my neck. There has been a point I have thrown that sucker clear across the room! How can this be?? All the nights we slept so soundly…….well maybe not I would hear “Kate, you are like a crape, give me some sheet!!!!” I guess when I sleep alone the safety is really gone! Perhaps its the soft hum of my white noise machine that brings out this dark jungle.  This is kind of joke in the house where I currently live.  I have tried over and over again to have proper etiquette in my bed, but I have failed miserably. I am leaving in 3 days and will be sharing sleeping quarters. Every morning I wake up buck naked looking over a sea of dead pillows spread on the floor like buffalo carcasses, a flung night-gown and one sleeping Erma mixed in. The added bonus is when I fall asleep with wet hair, I wake up looking like the lady in Dances With Wolves, HUGE HAIR!!  I am sure that my new “roomie” is not going to be ok with me becoming a savage hunter in the dark and tearing apart the room, in the buff. This is going to be sooooo embarrassing.

I was given a birthday gift last night from my current roomie, it was pajamas. I have three nights left to perfect the proper sleeping pattern. I hear men like women who are “all business but a freak in the bed”, I think I have taken that to a whole new level.  Yes, this is defiantly something I carry in my baggage, but would be happy to leave behind, “Huntress of the night”. I have to be honest, I am 500% ok with never sharing my “nest” with anyone else again. Maybe I need more time to heal, or maybe I just do not long for anyone else. Who knows, this  is another question that rolls around in my head. I was kidding with my mom the other day while shopping, and told her I was taking 365 days to find a husband, I have my doubts.  Will I ever find someone who is ok with me only wearing knee socks and a scarf to take down our Christmas tree and then chaperone it out onto the deck?? I guess I really can be a handful and hard to live with. Snow blowing with my “Whale Tail” sticking out for the 90-year-old neighbor to see, was that a deal breaker? Or was it me laying bark mulch in the front yard with a “Whale Tail” and a hole in my butt? I may never find the true answers to these questions I ask, however what I do know is I am now the proud owner of only low-rise undies ,58 pairs and counting………………………………………

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About 365daystofindme

I am giving myself 365 days to find me, and figure out some of my life questions. I am leaving for an adventure of a life time and will blog everyday to share it with my readers. Please feel free to add your own comments or thoughts, I LOVE to laugh too!!! Thank you for taking a moment to read them, and I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoy sharing them. Cheers!!

3 responses »

  1. “I have had near death experiences trying to get this sheet off from around my neck” This whole post was hysterical!! I can 100% relate!! For the last 2 months, I have had a solo bed, I’m even worse than before!! Pure carnage in the AM!! LOL

  2. OMG buddy.. I think our talk awoke the sleep demon in me!! Last night, I trashed the bed, had three”buffalo” on the floor.. along with all the sheets… and to top it, pulled a muscle in my side flopping like a dying fish!! LOL Unreal!!

  3. OMG, thats fantastic!!! I love it. I slept in a “Mico bed” last night, its a very long story, funny, but long.
    I love when people take time to post something back, I LOVE to laugh too!!! Thank you so much for reading!!!

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