Note to self, if you ever find yourself the proud owner of tickets to a game where a rookie is in the major league, DONT GO!!! There I was up at bat, WAY out of my league and let me tell you if my bat was a scythe..I would have cleared a parcel of land the size of North America with the furry I swung that thing! Try giving a perfectionist with OCD, ADHD, ADD a bat and watch what happens. Its is honestly like 500 children on crack swinging at a pinatia that’s not even there!!! I can laugh now but boy that was pretty painful. That short yet very important game taught me soooooo much about myself. I have to say I am blessed for the people I meet during this time because I have fished the qualities out of some of their personalities, ones I want and some I would never even want to have a hint of, EVER! I also thought I was baggage free at this time, not so much. I found myself after the game floating in a lonely sea surrounded in luggage that wouldn’t sink. Kind of like the movie Joe Vs the Volcano, that damn luggage that could survive anything! Yeah there I was, proclaiming there has to be a mix up this was not my baggage but wait, it’s just me and a few trunks, yup its mine!
So, there I was, I struck out at the biggest game of my life so far with a burnt hole in my canvas that I can not fill and bags beyond bags that ended up being mine and not his. How could this happen? How could I have been so blind going into such an important part of my life. The protectionist whom plans for everything was hit with curve balls and umps changing the rules?! Was it the players in the game or was it I the big goose egg? This is when I decided to go through my baggage and clean house. Ok hyper person that I am thought I could go at this task by taking a leaf blower to dust the fine china, also a note to self, don’t do it!! When trying to de-baggage yourself if it is at all possible it takes time. It’s like a hope chest that you have been carrying around since you were born. It takes time to weed through the things that we silly and just shoved in there on a whim and lots of emotion for those items that are there and mean a lot. I have a funny story about cleaning out your hope chest of life. This man and I were off to a nice out among friends, it was around the start of us and my parents invited us over. Upon arriving to the house all the lights were on and no one to be found. After yelling and looking for a bit we hear my mother’s voice say “up here!”. Oh god, what now I thought. There she was, cleaning out her literal hope chest.
With a smile as big as the walmart face my mother was so proudly show casing the things from Kate’s pasts, pictures, drawings and dance recital costumes. Wait dance costumes……. yup there it was my mother holding up a crotchless nighty with thigh highs proclaiming this item was my first dance costume!!! This type of shall we call it “errors” happen to me on a day-to-day basis and this is why I think this journey will be very interesting. horrified about think of my mother cleaning out her real hope chest, I set out to clean out my baggage. This is not such an easy task, I found I was the queen of lost luggage. I tried to take my time look through memories and find what was important and a life lesson to keep and what were emotions of the past that were just cluttering up my future. I did this with everything in my life. I was on a weeding frenzy! I cleaned and cleared, I sold material items and I went through the painful process of pulling out old love letter and memories and trying to recycle them. The picture I carried in my wallet of us had to go, which I might add was like pulling the biggest weed ever! It took a lot but everything material had to go. The rose from our Valentines day retreat, that was probably the most romantic experience, still sat withered and dried on my dash-board. I had to do it, I have to clean house it had to go! Awful task this is, the material items and photos were reminding me of this game I had botched. I figure out of sight out of mind……I had enough emotional memories I did not need everyday material reminders. We will see about that choice……..
So here I am the first full day of being 32 years old getting ready to set off on the adventure of my life. You may have stumbled across this blog or looked for it, however, the one thing I can tell you is this is going to be my diary for the next 365 days. I ask you to feel free to post your thoughts and let me know what and where you stand on some views. Please feel free to use this blog as an example of what not to do with your life or as a gateway to you getting off on your own adventure. I will try to deliver all details to you as I would do if I was in person. I think it will be a pretty interesting year and I am sure there will be a lot of things happening that will be pretty funny as always. I will think of this as a “live” time capsule with the ability for people to chime in and give their thoughts and possibly change my future. So let me start with a brief history to bring you up to speed on how being ass over tea kettle in shopping cart in a parking lot left in the middle of a puddle brought me to this point in my life………….
Average should have been my middle name. I do not mind being lumped into this vast category but I have been feeling less than average since day one of 2011. I grew up the youngest of two daughters, my parents have been together since they were teenagers and sometimes I feel like I speak Chinese in my family home. I guess I have been the Black Sheep for most of my life. I like to not only run with scissors, but run with them with a blind fold on. If I every got the answer ” no” from my parents growing up that translated into “yes, must do it, and must do it faster, harder stronger and without end.” I guess in common terms I was always a handful. I am not sure if a person can ever have too much spirit and tenaciousness but I am seeking the answer to that an many mnay more questions in life that seem so elementary. Today things seem so easy with the internet and technology but for some reason I can not find the answers I am looking for any where in the world only inside of me. So here I am, many personal belonging I cherished over the years sold, my only constant companion Erma going to Grammys with Dr. B on the back up and that’s it. I suddenly feel like maybe I look like a clip from the movie “The Jerk”, I have this pen and backpack that’s all I need. Is it all I need? I have no clue but I am about to find out like being dunked into a cold water bucket on a hot day. I guess to find all the worth in your life you have to let it go and see the deep down to the nitty gritty exactly you yourself consider wealth.
I have found in my life the moment I get settled in, its time to roll along again. In ten years I have moved twenty-one times and each time I swore this was it, never again. Maybe me selling off my life in storage is just me making it easier for me to roll on. I cringe at the thought of packing unpacking however I find now its and art kind of like origami. I can pack a whole house in two hours flat, I know this cause I timed it the last time just for the giggles. I think my friends already know that every 6 months or so its time for me to move again and its penciled in on their calendars, sad huh. I do not plan to do this however I think it has to do with a greater force making my life change gears religiously every few months. I can’t lie folks, IT SUCKS! As the years tick by and I see many peers married with families I do sit and wonder what my life could have been had I chosen different paths. Like the path I took and look where I am now. Everyday we meet and see hundreds of people, some come and go and some fall onto your canvas of life and put a permanent burn mark on it like an ember from a fire. Well, that’s just what happened to me!! I was working with what I thought was a pretty colorful canvas when a little tiny ember flew out of no where and burnt a tiny hole…….. that hole has been burnt onto it and will never be filled yet the colors around that hole now seem so different.
So whats the harm in having dinner with some old friends?? New friends that come with old friends!!! Yup, my little tiny ember sat like a dream perched on a bar stool just waiting to toss that one little spark. The mind is a funny thing, I can not remember what I wore yesterday but I remember EVERYTHING about him that night, its burnt onto my canvas. This is where it smouldered, funny, sharp, sexy, clean and tada….he had clean teeth!!!! I am a straight up germ-a-phobe and teeth are the number one thing I look at and can you believe this guy passed the clean test first glance over?!?! There were no “geeezzzz” or “yikes” traits that stood out like every other guy I dated, he was floating to the earth like a feather right out of my dreams. Ok, wait maybe not, I believe he feel like a steamer trunk off an airplane into my life. He had a wee bit of baggage but I was NOT worried, why would I be he was out of my league!!!