Have you ever missed a fall??? This is going to be the first fall I am going to miss in New England, and I hear it’s a beautiful fall day there. It’s the 10 year anniversary of 9/11 and I see the people there wearing fall clothing. It’s rather a shock to the system to see that ten years has clicked by so quickly. I was there on 9/13, and I would never have guessed that ten-years from then I would be in Florida getting ready to see the world. Fall is my favorite time of year, I find it so inviting to get into a nice sweater and visit farms and antique shops on a Sunday morning. The feeling of breathing in fresh air that tickles the lungs with a crisp scent of apples, pies and leaves is a missed thing.
Dont get me wrong, 90’s, sunny , palm trees and beaches are great, but you do start to realize exactly the things you do love, once they are gone. I can’t wait for next fall, to take Erma walking in the crisp air, to go to the barn and feel my pony getting fuzzy, to cook an elaborate dinner for my loved family and friends and to cuddle on the couch and watch a movie. Planting mum’s and chinese cabbages in the baskets for the front stairs, kids going back to school (shit, getting stuck behind school buses!!!), and getting all nesty for the winter. I wonder if I missed my window of opportunity to do the whole “mom” thing as well. It’s always this time of year you see young families at the apple orchards, taking hay rides to pick pumpkins and taking photos to last a life time as the share an apple cider donut.
Perhaps these feelings will pass, it takes two individuals, who are extremely dedicated and loyal to make such a dream come true, and its a huge undertaking to find that” perfect” team-mate to take your hand for the long journey. I have found my small hand embraced by a few strong, noble, loyal hands in my life time but none of them were able to see and feel the same dreams I have. I think you can tell a lot about a man by his hands and how he holds my hand. (Yeah, get your head out of the gutter, that’s not where I am going with this!!) I have felt soft hands that were so well manicured that I felt my little dirty hands were not welcome after working in the yard or playing at the barn. I have felt rough, dry, beaten hands that always squeezed my hand just a bit to hard, like giving me a sign to be seen and not heard. I have felt hands that I could trace the time line of their lives from, scars, dirt, softness and all around embracing. I guess Cinderella had to try on shoes to find her prince, I just need to hold the right hand.
I want to reach for a hand and have it be reaching right back, with the same passion. I want to know when I look at those hands, they will be there to slip my wedding ring on as I say “I do”. I want them to hold my hand and give me gentle coaxing as I bring our first child into the world (if we decide to have children). I want that hand to hold my little heart close to their heart. I want to feel that hand of a life time holding mine as I get old, feel the lines of our lives on them/ in them, and perhaps one day, have that hand be the very last thing I feel on this earth. I guess I take hands rather seriously, strong yet soft, encouraging but not forceful and always loyal and loving. Well, I guess I will continue shaking many hands but always remember where my little hand belongs………………..