Author Archives: 365daystofindme

About 365daystofindme

I am giving myself 365 days to find me, and figure out some of my life questions. I am leaving for an adventure of a life time and will blog everyday to share it with my readers. Please feel free to add your own comments or thoughts, I LOVE to laugh too!!! Thank you for taking a moment to read them, and I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoy sharing them. Cheers!!

Have you ever seen a lost forest, filled with rootless trees???

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Have you ever seen a lost forest, filled with rootless trees???  Humm, I never thought I did either till I took some serious “me time”, and sat and thought about all that’s going on in my life at the moment.  I have been read just about every line in the book, I am serious, I think I could publish about 50 volumes of all time bull shit lines! (Could be my next years task!l) But the crazy part is, it’s not the lines in the book that are being read to you, it’s the person narrating the lines too you! I guess we need to go back to our childhood to really grasp this concept. If you were being read a book by a great story-teller you would be captivated for hours……now if that same book was read to you by someone who never changed their pitch and was flat you would walk away….right?!?! Pull up some carpet here folks, we may have stumbled across a great new concept, Head game story tellers for adults!!!!!

So in my experience, I have been read some really great lines……and I bought them, damn those story tellers. (Lets say the ones who are over dramatic are easier to buy into!) Roots! (No, not rats…..that’s the teller not the story.) I bought the whole “roots” story, hook line and sinker sorry to say. Everyday, everywhere we are all faced with our daily challenges, some may be mountains to one person and a mole hill to others. No matter what those ” mounds” to climb (Or step over.) are unique and ours, from person to person. I also think that little snippet of information is important when looking into getting a new story-teller, or at least buying some lines from someone who feels the need to share them with you. Roots, what are they? Well to be honest, the last line I bought was the, “Kate, you have NO ROOTS, you need roots!! Stop moving so damn fast and settle down and get roots!!!”.  O.K. me being me, after my purchasing that line, I thought it implied, settle down (stay in one place for an extended period of time) get a mortgage, belly flop right into the American Dream! WRONG!!!

I have had the wrong definition of “roots” in my head since I purchased this bogus line!!! There are so many other small fires smouldering in my life at the moment, some I care to tend to and some I know (or at least hope) with end up smothering themselves out. “Roots” is not a stationary thing, it’s not something that cements you into one spot forever…..roots are the tiny finger like vines that hold the tree up straight, tall, and nobel. I have been very blessed in my life to have some really thick roots!! My roots would never let me fall in the wind, or crack with the weight of another, I DO HAVE ROOTS! I know for a fact the people and relationships I have that make up my ” root system” would never want me to be forced to be in one spot if that’s not what I wanted!!! My roots would tell me no matter where I am they will always help hold be up, be my base support when I need it, help me thrive in a time of starvation…….. that’s what true roots do! Roots can hear the wind whispering through my branches, as I brave another journey, and they drink it up, just happy to be there to enjoy another verse. Roots are truly selfless individuals who believe in all you are and support your growth no matter what the environment.

Roots, there are some thick sections that go on for miles, and then there are small straggly looking, ratty things that go for a foot then die off, those represent relationships in our lives. Dont get me wrong, I do think those small ratty things hold water, but that’s about it, like sandbags.  The people we envelop ourselves with become roots, if you think you can stand tall or thrive in an unhealthy environment without your roots, GOOD LUCK! I have had the misfortune of seeing a lot of trees chopping off their own roots, thinking they were big enough/ strong enough to weather any storm or environment on their own, bad mistake, once they are cut it takes a LONG time to grow back if ever. I think the trimming of roots is a good thing but lopping them all off is never a good sign. I also believe that the rings of a tree tell the story of what it has weathered (Kind or mean), the sap that it seeps tells the personality (Bitter or sweet) , and the color it bears is selflessness (Self loathing or self less).  I know now, that I want to only be surrounded by tress that “grow” the same, that if any of my roots or fellow trees were cut we would all weep, and have many rings to our circles……………………………….

Have you ever taken a phone call in your sleep, on Austin Powers phone???

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Have you ever taken a phone call in your sleep, on Austin Powers phone???  Over the weekend I went on a road trip to Maryland with an old friend of mine. I had a rather large interview Friday morning with a company that I would KILL to work for and things went GREAT! After my interview I drove to Rhode Island and off we went to Maryland …… it was very interesting to say the least. When I flew back to Boston from Florida, I had only intended to stay for a visit, and be off again back to sunny skies and blue waters after Thanksgiving. Well…… here it is December and I am still here, people ask “What happened to Florida??”, Florida is still where I left it folks, sticking off the country like a finger stirring the warm waters, just waiting for me. (Perhaps I should buy everyone world map shower curtains like mine?) I decided to stick around and see what this pharmaceutical company had to offer, it seems like a DREAM pinch me, because I must be dreaming, this is a reason I would stay! Traveling the world, meeting new people, making big bucks and in a career that is my passion…..yeah it must be a dream!!!

So, on Sunday night my friend and I thought it would be a GRAND idea to drive home from Maryland, there we were pulling out onto the highway at midnight, as I look up I see 4 sets of headlights coming head on……yeah……she pulled onto the wrong side of the highway! After living a skit right out of Tommy Boy I took the wheel, and we were off with no sleep, food or shower in 24 hours my arrival home was exhausting to say the least. The only 2 cents I can give to anyone on this subject is, even if it seems like a great idea, ITS NOT!!!! I tried to catch up on as much sleep as possible but had another interview this morning and that really cut into my beauty rest. Ahhhhhhh, the house to myself the fireplace crackling away, me snuggled on the couch watching movies, sleep slowing settling over me like a dense fog (Like I drove all the way home in the other night, also a note to self when driving up the coast at night. I could not see 20 feet in front of the car the whole way home!!!) …….and that’s when it happened. During my eight-hour ride on Friday I downloaded all new ringtones, I changed my ringtone to Austin Powers ringtone, I had it before and I really enjoyed it. As I was sleeping deeply (o.k., slipped into a coma!)  Austin Powers was on T.V., my phone started ringing, only I thought I was dreaming, and agreed to meet a company for an interview next Tuesday!!! I guess the saving grace to that experience is that I didn’t answer the phone saying “Yes Basel, this is Ivana Humpalot”!

This is fantastic, I can not believe that in this time frame home, I have now had 6 companies calling me to interview. I am in the position to pick and choose who and what company I want, and what ever little shiny benefits comes along with them………only thing now, I have NO CLUE what company that was I agreed to meet with this time!!! Yes, I love yachting, sun, traveling, and meeting new people, but why would I pass up a job in Veterinary medicine (my #1 passion), when I can have the best of both worlds?? I guess Florida and the sea will always be there, like I keep telling everyone, but will a job like this still be here if I decided to leave again? I feel as though both industries are neck and neck on my passion scale the only thing pushing the Veterinary industry out in the lead is these jobs come with extras, extras that will come in handy in the long run. I am a planner, and the thought of my 401k getting fatter and fatter is a great vision, it’s not everything, but I have to say no yacht comes with a 401k package!

I feel like I am reading one of those books from my childhood, where when you get to the bottom of the page you can choose your own adventure, turn to page 56 for this adventure and 23 for that adventure. I have made it to the bottom of the page and need to pick what page I want to turn to next, funny for the fist time in 32 years I feel for once I am the CEO of me, and I make my own decisions. I know what offer I need to have to stay, and if that offer is not in the cards for me then I make my way back to the islands……. I really can’t say either page is a bad page to turn to right now. For someone who came for a quick visit and not working, I am finding myself extremely busy, my next task is try to figure out who the hell I am meeting next Tuesday………………………..

 

 

Have you ever been the crouton in your life salad???

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Have you ever been the crouton in your life salad??? I am sure a vision of some great Caesar salad just popped into your head, but have you ever thought about yourself as the crouton? Hey, croutons are great, they add texture and visual appeal to those greens, but what actually makes up a crouton?! ……… STALE BREAD, bread that has been expose to a lot of heat, bread that has been (in most fine restaurants) seasoned, bread that tends to be pretty square in nature and firm, and bread that tends to explode into a million tiny fragments when stuck by a knife!!!  It’s always those damn croutons that give you a run for your money, you try to save them till last, but they give such a good chase around the dish to become a victim of your fork. Sometimes they give such a good chase, they end up going back to the kitchen, alone on an empty plate never to be captured by the mighty fork!!! Trust me, in most cases  the lone crouton on the plate is only their for one reason…… the dinner did not have the nuts just to stab it, they were trying to be proper! (Maybe a big date or a business dinner…..just saying from experience……lol)

So in your life, among the lush greens,  the slender carrots, the plump tomatoes, and maybe the cool cucumbers have you ever felt like the crouton? Have you have hit the point of stale, exposed to too much heat and maybe over seasoned in your life salad? Why does this seem to be a trend in everyone’s life? I was talking to a friend of mine the other night, and we were talking about relationships and where she and I were in relationships and it hit me………. I couldn’t stop it, it fell out of my mouth like an acorn from a tree, I said it…….. “You have become a crouton!!!”.( Now, thank goodness this person knows me well enough not to turn around and punch me, she knows I am a few screws short of a tool kit!!!) There, I put a label on it, we all do it, we get comfortable and never change.

The crouton effect, really equates too,  the” old shoe” effect, and the good old ” welcome to the comfort zone” thing, once you enter ” the zone ” you may never get out again. This is whole ” becoming stale” in your life thing is such a huge question to me. Why do we let it happen, we know it is happening during the time it creeps in like a dense fog, but we never do anything about it. We all just go for drinks with friends or sweep it under the carpet for another day to deal with it, why……….doesnt that make it worse?? Is it not  better to confront a problem, that you know is looming, before it turns into a catastrophe? And I call it a catastrophe with such vigor, because by the time we confront it, most parties that are “so lucky “to be mixed in your life salad are really vested at this point, end up walking away hurt.

I can speak from the horse’s mouth on this view, I have been the carrot and the cucumber, but I have also found myself the crouton. There have been days in my life, where I ran like the dickens to escape the stick from the “fork”, knowing it would shatter me into crumbs. In fact, I know I have been ” forked” a few times, but I still managed to pull myself back together and get onto my next life salad.  I also know that in my life I have been ” the one” crouton, that gave such a good chase all over the plate (What a dumb ass looking back now…….), that my end fate was the garbage, because I never stood still long enough to be forked.  I guess we all find our ways in the long run, and I hope we all never stay in the crouton state long, life is far too short to become stale and just “comfortable”.  One of the most important things that I can take away from this whole finding me experience, is that if it seems like its wrong, then it’s probably wrong and move on.  Do not put off till to tomorrow that can be done today, you are worth far too much, and this is your only chance………………..go for it!!!!

(P.S. I would also like to add as a BONUS to this post as a learning experience……..DO NOT LEAVE GARLIC BREAD UNATTENTED IN AN OVEN IT WILL BURN AND BECOME USELESS !!!!! Perhaps its a sign!!!!)

 

 

Have you ever felt like a bug light???

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Have you ever felt like a bug light???  Why do all the bugs go towards light anyway, and why do CREEPY people gravitate to talk to me all the time??? Why am I the literal bug light for creepy people???? I guess I shouldnt complain, but really its a bit much lately. This morning I was accosted by a random CREEPER standing out front of Dunkin Donuts with a dog! All I did was walk by and say “Hi pup pup!”, little did I know that I was kicking the barn doors wide open for Mr. Creepy to follow me into Dunks and tell me his life story.   Dog in tow, I became a captive audience  for this guy while I waiting to get my coffee, and for  those that don’t  know me,  talking to me B.C. (before coffee)  is taking your life in your hands!!!

In the short 5 mins it took me to get my coffee, (FYI, Seemed like a life time!!!) I had learned more about this guy than most friends and relatives that I have. At one point he was actually trying to get me to sit on the floor so his dog could sit on my lap, “She is a lover not a fighter!!!” that’s all he kept saying, as I was trying tune him out. By that point I had already been told that he was an only child, he is a morning person, blue is his favorite color, his best friend is in the hospital till Wednesday, that was NOT his dog; just pet sitting, tomato juice was his favorite and he wore a size 14 shoe……….. why in god’s name do I need to know all this first thing in the morning?!?!?!?!  I know that during my 365 days I want become a more patience person, but this type of interaction is just pushing me over the edge!! I truly try to stay calm, and be very discreet on how I try to” let myself off the hook” from having to chat with these types of people but its a chore.  Maybe I need to start having useless conversation back with them, maybe I should start listing random things to them about myself, ” I like pickle juice, I like to  eat all meals with chop sticks, I like the number 42, I am scared of the dark, and I like to jump in leave piles people just raked.”, I wonder what they would do in response?? Humm, with my luck maybe I shouldnt, it could go from a 5-10 min ordeal to an all day event!

I am sure that  each and every one of the people who decide its necessary to tell me random facts about themselves are nice individuals, but why me??!! When I look in the mirror I don’t see myself as a person who gives off the warm and fuzzies, or even looks friendly for the most part. To be 100% honest,  I need Botox for my forehead I grimace so damn much.  I feel like I have enough on my mind already, are these people placed in my day strategically to break my concentration, or to make me realize that the small things DO matter??!! Small things…… what are the guide lines for what the “Small things” are in life, and who decides them, is there a weight limit, does it have to be smaller than a bread box??  I am sure  the fact his ” best friend in the whole wide world”  was in the hospital is  a huge thing to him, but just air-filled with words clogging my brain  to me. Perhaps it’s not a patience thing, maybe its a humbling thing I need to learn, we are all human and put our pants on one leg at a time, I think………………………………………….

Have you ever given a mile, but cut it to 4 feet due to rain???

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Have you ever given a mile, but cut it to 4 feet due to rain??? I hear that doing something everyday for ONE month turns it into a habit, I wonder what nine years makes it, reality??? So the weather is just awful, cold, rainy, raw and dark at 5pm, I guess mother nature must being having a “moment”.  If mother nature forgot her meds today or not, does not mean that ” mother nature” doesnt still call for Erma. I have waited and dragged my feet for a few hours now, and have decided this is a great time to take her out, late enough that it will be enough for the night. I managed to peel myself off the couch like a fruit roll up,  get all bundled up to face this cold November rain, the only thing missing……her flexi leash!!!! I thought that make shift rope would do, fat chance on that one!!!!

Cut to us standing in the rain for 25 mins, she keeps looking at me because I am too close, and I keep telling her to hurry up!! I guess having ears that stand straight up on your head make it a bitch to do anything in the rain,  it must feel like its raining directly  into your head. As she waddled about looking for that” PERFECT square inch of grass”, I started to study the people in the windows eating dinner.  If you have never watched people in a social setting and not have them know it, you MUST DO THIS!! Yes, it sounds creepy, but I was just wasting time waiting for Pickle, and it became very interesting.  I am sure sometime, somewhere in my life someone has watched me through a window or even glanced over to see what I was doing during dinner. I just hope those people didn’t classify me as I did them tonight.

There was a “Twig”, a woman who looked like she needed a HUGE sub,  sat very straight in her chair nibbling her salad, and looking like she was very anxious waiting for the clock to tick down to zero for her date to be over, before she snapped. There was a “Turtle”, this guy who looked like his neck was attached to his shirt neck, eating soooooo slow, and I am sure talking about something so stale and uninteresting by the look of the womans face across the table.  And my favorite, hold on to your seats………. the “Dolphin”, don’t ask me why or how, but this chick was clapping her hands like a little dolphin at least every 2 mins during dinner!!!!  All I could hear in my head was the sound of playful dolphins every time she did it, I can not even imagine what the hell they were talking about, but I was strangely intrigued to know. I actually laughed a few times out loud, I am sure people were looking at me wondering what my deal was.

All this great people watching in the matter of mins, waiting for Pickle to do her business!!! I wonder what I look like when I am out? Do I look like a grumpy, the joker, the piggy or do I ever do the dolphin?!?! I really don’t know what causes people to do the things they do, but I have to say I will forever take notice of what I am doing in public from now on.  After all that, Pickle and I slipped home, soaked to the core, and  having a good laugh, I only wish Pickle was a little bit lighter if you catch my drift. I am still day dreaming of what my next move will be,  today I realized that Thanksgiving is only 2 weeks away, I may just linger until after the holiday. I may look  like a turtle right now on the outside, but I feel like I have ” the running of the bulls” going through my veins, getting ready to bolt……………

 

Have you ever been sooooooo busy doing nothing???

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Have you even been soooooooo busy doing nothing??? I certainly am the poster child for that lately!!! It’s a funny thing, I know I have not blogged in a long time, and I think about it everyday but I never set myself time to do it.  I have even received a few emails and texts from friends asking ” Where the hell are your posts???”, “Whats going on with you???”, and of course  “Where the hell are you???”. I can’t tell a lie, I really have not been up too much, I am here in Bean Town and have been here since last Friday. It’s rather a shock to the system going from 89 degrees at the airport to 34 degrees here, flip-flops (Havaianas, QUALITY flip-flops, my new favorite shoe, try them!!) and sun dress DO NOT fly. I have dug out what ever winter clothing I could find from storage and have been rotating the same sweaters every few days since I have come back. I actually went Nordstrom and bought a few pairs of jeans to carry me over this visit.

I feel like when you have a relationship with someone, and it starts to “grow old”,  and you stop returning calls right away, and kind of turn it into a” Once I bump into them, I will take care of it” relationship with my blog (Chew on that thought for a moment, WE ALL HAVE DONE THAT FAMOUS MOVE!!! I don’t know why either, it always makes it that much worse!!!) .  Has too much time past, are my readers packed up and moved to a new blog, do all my subscribers think I did ” false” advertising because I didn’t blog everyday???  Well I have news folks, even if I have nothing to write about the learning treadmill never stops moving, so within the “avoidance” time frame that has passed I have learned a bundle. (Some have been repeat performances, probably since it didn’t sink in the first time!!!) The treadmill of life…… it keeps moving under your feet even if  you stop running, it will just keep going tossing your ass and Ipod to the floor like a rag doll, making you look like the ass you were feeling like!!!

It’s nice to be back in a home where I can take a shower till I look like a raisin, cook in a kitchen that actually has forks and knives, and sleep in a bed where I don’t feel like I am drowning in a cereal bowl due to its outrageous lack of support. I feel like a fat house cat, I could sleep all day if let alone and not prodded and poked by life and the characters in it, but I am sure that is not a healthy choice for me.  “How long are  you around for??”, that’s another super question that I don’t know how to answer at the moment. Plans are in the works for hitting up the BVI’s in a few weeks and doing the “cats” for a few months and then deciding from there, but the thoughts of the holidays here has me weak in the knees.  I know I miss my friends and REALLY wanna see as much as I can see, but will I be missing anything I need to see/feel/learn up here?? Life would be so much easier if I had two of me, one for up here and “normal life” and one for traveling and doing all the things I wanna do. Unless I figure out how to grow another me in the next few days, I think I am going to be facing a pretty big decision.(Wish I paid more attention in that damn genetics class now!!!)

Monkeys are cute but they bite and throw things ( FYI including poop, just a heads up!) , South Africans still have me in the dark with their “Now, just now, and now now”, people from the UK can not take spinning classes here in the US because “fanny” means a completely different part of the body to them (Look it up, its defiantly worth the laugh),  and I don’t have the gift of patience that I thought I had found.  I guess if I had to put it all in a box with a bow, and give it a name I would call it frustration. With all that being said I better get cracking on what I want to do next, should I stay or should I go? I am glad I got over the uncomfortable “too much time has passed” hump, and wrote to you, I swear it wasnt a half assed break up…………